Storms Brewing

This is an actual storm warning issued by our local weather service.

You should be on the look out for storms brewing in the Spring Lake Park area of Texarkana. One of these storms that has a tendency to develop is Tropical Depression Baylie. This storm moves slowly through the region with whining and complaining winds. You must be on the look out for a system of illnesses causing the storm to gain strength as the Depression begins to near the moment of departure. Typical characteristics of this Depression and its magnitude include, but are not limited to, intestinal irregularities, problematic symptoms located in the cranial region of the storm and uncomfortable sensations in the earnoseandthroat area of the system. Most, if not all, of these characteristics can be manifested solely through the imagination process of the storm. None the less, beware of the possibility that the storm may gain strength as it displays convincing techniques to remain stalled over the initial location from which the storm began brewing. Once Tropical Depression Baylie begins to subside, maintain a firm stance and whatever you do, do not give in to the Depression. Any wavering or weakness spotted by the storm could create an atmosphere conducive to the storm regaining strength and creating an environment of infuriation with extremely negative reactions. Warning, do not look the storm in the eye. As doing so will cause an unsuspecting bystander to succumb to the power of persuasion associated with Tropical Depression Baylie and allow the storm to remain stalled over its location of origination. This storm has shown high tendencies of developing in the early morning hours and almost always on Mondays.

If Tropical Depression Baylie does not seem to be prevalent on a certain morning, you must be on the look out for small thunderstorms developing in the west that could form into Tropical Storm Drew. This storm is characterized by typically mild thunderstorms with a tendency to subside almost immediately upon formation. It is normally not a high pressure system and generally only a few factors cause this Storm to develop into mild to moderate showers. Of these factors, the most common cause for storm maturity is a dissatisfaction with the selection of the footwear that Mother Nature has selected to cover the southern-most region of the storm. There is no pattern as to why or when the Storm will develop. And though Tropical Storm Drew rarely strengthens and will generally dwindle on its own, there are certain instances when Father Time must intercede and unleash a wave of opposing storm systems to counteract the effectiveness of the Storm. These stern and forceful systems will cause the Storm to produce sudden shrieking winds followed by a short period of intense thunderstorms with a possibility of flooding. However, this reaction is classically short-lived and the showers soon dissipate, clearing the way for blue skies and sunshine for the remainder of the day. The Storm by and large only has a 10% chance of occurring; and due to the moderate nature of the storm, there is no need for anxiousness or concern when approaching the core of the system. Proceed as normal.

Though both of these storms can manifest themselves on any given day, they are typically brief in length and mild in strength. However, there is a high probability that Hurricane Casey will move through the region on any day and at any hour. This system is a very volatile and potent storm that will move through a centrally located area with no regard for any life form that may cross its path. Hurricane Casey may start out as an accumulation of high winds and storm clouds with scattered lightening bolts but can, and will, increase in pressure and intensity with little or no warning. It is not unusual for the system to grow from producing mild wind and rain to a category 5 hurricane within a matter of mere seconds; destroying everything in its path. It takes little to no opposition for this wave of destruction to reach full potency. At full strength, there is a large radius of maximum winds that will produce large-sized Hell. The Hurricane has the characteristic of exceptionally strong force. Once this storm reaches landfall, the Hurricane will intensify and the warning will remain in effect until the storm decides to subside on its own. Any effort to combat the storm will only cause a chain reaction of events that will result in complete and utter devastation. There have been recorded instances when these efforts to combat the storm have resulted in Hurricane Casey progressing into a full blown typhoon. Though researchers have spent numerous hours studying the causes and origins of the storm, they have yet to come to a reasonable conclusion. The most logical hypothesis is that the heart of the storm is spoiled and rotten. The researchers attribute this to their findings that Tropical Depression Baylie and Tropical Storm Drew break up and give way to Hurricane Casey thus allowing her to overtake their movements and unleash her destruction in any given area.

Neither Tropical Depression Baylie nor Tropical Storm Drew tends to form outside the morning hours. Be that as it may, Hurricane Casey has a history of festering throughout the day and threatens to regain strength at the drop of a hat and can reestablish itself at a moments notice and turn into a catastrophic storm.

If you are traveling through the Spring Lake Park area between the hours of 6:30 and 7:30 am, Central Standard Time, it is advised that you take an alternate route and avoid Canadian Street at all costs. If you must travel in the vicinity of these storms, proceed with extreme caution. And if you happen to come into direct contact with Hurricane Casey when the storm is at full force, may God have mercy on your soul.

This warning has been issued by the Emergency Broadcast System, the National Weather Service, the Federal Emergency Management Agency, the National Center for Bad Kids, the Parents of Bad Kids Support Group, the FBI, the CIA and Matt and Corey Graves. Don’t say you weren’t warned.